Shoulder Shrug Win Back-to-Back Championships

Shrug Finished Another 9-0 Season

The Opposing Captain Literally Pouted During Every Play

 FOSS successfully defended their title Friday night when they cruised to victory against Three and Out. (“Three and Pout” as they are known around the league). In the 32-13 win, Shrug’s defense gained two interceptions and forced two 4^th down turnovers, while Woods clicked on offense with five touchdown throws.

 “I thought my girlfriend was going to show up to the game tonight so I played my heart out,” Woods joked after the celebratory dog pile on Tyler Bennett. “Then I remembered I won’t see her until next week at the family reunion.”

Shrug’s defense, which proved their value in week one of playoff action (allowing only six points), started sharp. DB Kyle Woods intercepted the third pass of the game and Three and Pout's ensuing drives were thwarted by quick pulls and great hair. "I do what I can," DB Luke "The Other Bill" Flancheezy said.  

The offense capitalized on each stop, and after a 50 yard TD pass to WR Tim Ghiorso in the waning seconds of the first half, FOSS found themselves with a 19-0 cushion entering the break.

“I figured at that point the game was over,” Alan Zolfart’s fiancée Helga said, “I actually left the game and got a burrito with Linda and came back before the game finished.”

Despite an errant INT to start the second half, Kyle Woods ate the clock with precision drives, Shrug coasted to the eventual victory, and the burrito run was, indeed, validated. 

The win capped off the most dominant seasonal performance John Kemp has ever seen. Shrug surpassed even their own expectations on route to 32.3 points per game, and an average winning margin of 19 points (three touchdowns) per game. Shrug totaled 291 total points in nine games and only scored less than 30 points twice, according to Ginny Blottie Fact Checker, Inc.

“I guess we’ll feed Tyler this week...” Jeff Bennett tweeted to his 21,000 followers after the game.

The biggest questions facing Shrug in the offseason still remain unanswered. It is reported that QB Kyle Woods and WRs Nathan Ghiorso and Drew Blottie could be leaving the team in pursuit of other opportunities.

WR Nathan Collects The Extra Point In Style...younger brother Tim can only watch

“I plan on taking my talents to Slovenia,” Ghiorso said, “I want to dabble in the art of semi-pro European football and coaching.” 

Kyle plans to pursue a music career out of state and Drew plans on attending Heald College. 

"Drew's mother and I have our fingers crossed," team photographer Dave said, before he downed his tenth Bud Light of the night.

Another important issue is whether or not Shrug will advance into the next division in Folsom’s ponzi scheme labyrinth of fallacies and lies. Shrug requested a move into tier one at season’s beginning—a request denied by league dictator Shawn “Adolf” Stalin. Whether the paperwork was mismanaged, misplaced, or secretly burned, no one can deny Shrug’s entrance into the top tier next season. Their record demands it.

*Thank you to all who watched and supported us in our second undefeated season. Even in bad weather. FOSS will come out next spring in a new division and we hope you will support us then too!

FOSS Has Title Shot After Epic Semifinal

This game turned into an ESPN Classic

Shoulder Shrug won in down-to-the-wire fashion last Friday night. In a contest that featured everything; long throws, great catches, tough defense, controversial calls, and even player ejections, Shrug escaped with a 26-25 win. “It was probably the most intense game we’ve ever played in. We’ve never experienced a game as physical as that one,” QB Kyle Woods said. WR Tim Ghiorso followed, “They were the first team who were almost as good looking as us.”

Shrug's Defense Held True in the Final Moment

Either way, Shrug proved tough in their first ever playoff game. After storming out to a quick 13-6 lead, a touchdown strike to WR Alan Zolfart at half’s end gave FOSS a 14-point advantage. Teams traded touchdowns to begin the second, but the 26-13 lead eventually withered to 26-19. With less than three minutes remaining, usually the time of game when the FOSS offense eats clock, TBA intercepted an errant pass by Woods. The pick led to an easy six points and an opportunity to tie the game on the extra point. DB Tim Ghiorso denied the conversion, and Shrug’s defensive prowess sent TBA to the consolation game. Ex-improv rapper Drew Blottie tweeted the last defensive play from his point of view, “The QB had protection, but he threw in Tim’s direction, which led to the deflection, and TBA’s perplexion—correction—dejection.”

The defensive stop and ensuing first down capped a thrilling game that included the first player ejection of the season, according to Ginny Blottie Fact Checker Inc. When a controversial call led to the Alan Zolfart touchdown, TBA’s starting center John Doughy Doe took objection. “ What the (Expletive) (expletive) (expletive) (expletive)? (Expletive) is so (explevite) (expletive) Tyler Bennett (expletive) (expletive) (expletive).” His language earned him a one-way trip to the parking lot and TBA played without their first string center the rest of the game. “A little whippin' boy training will sort that boy out. No doubt about it,” said Coach Ghiorso.

Shrug scored 26 points on four touchdown throws by Kyle Woods. WR Nathan Ghiorso caught two, and WRs Alan Zolfartalot and Tim Ghiorso caught one each. WR Ian Dyrness made the most important catch, though—a 3^rd down grab from his knees that sealed Shrug’s place in the championship game. The defense forced one turnover and one punt.

FOSS will face Paging Dr. Loggins in this year’s championship. They are not a new foe; Shrug beat them in the first game of the season 25-7, and even beat Loggins in the only win of their inaugural season. That game was marred though when Tyler Bennett took the innocence of a small child onlooker. 

“I’ve never looked at Tyler the same way since that game,” Linda Bennett said over email, after a request for a face-to-face interview was denied. (Probably because of the shame). Details from that bittersweet night can be found here.

Bring your rally towels and best spirit to John Kemp Field this Friday night at 6.30pm for the big game. Go Shoulder Shrug!

Shoulder Shrug Wins Thriller, is 5-0

Shrug faced their first real test of the season last Friday night against The JagerBombers-- and came out on top 19-6. “This was probably the best game all season,” ex-quarterback and newfound defensive talent Tyler Bennett said. “I was finally happy to break a sweat.”

In an uncharacteristic start, FOSS only managed 6 points in the first half. The offense only clicked on one play—a 70 yard touchdown to WR Taylor Gordon on a hitch-n-go. But due to drops, miscues, and poor flag attachment, two touchdowns were nullified and another was blown. The JagerBombers last second TD ended the first half in a 6-6 tie—the first time this season FOSS did not enter the intermission with the lead, according to Ginny Blottie Fact Checker, Inc.

Kyle Woods opened part two with a drive capped by a fourth and goal touchdown. And in that instant, Shrug’s defense woke up and stifled the JagerBombers for the rest of the half. Notable deflections by Taylor Gordon, Alan Zolfart, and Tim Ghiorso broke up potential deep plays that would have put the JagerBombers back in the game. Astounding pressure from former Olympic sprinter Drew Blottie also forced the opposing QB into errant throws and put the JagerBombers in 4^th and long situations that usually fell short. “I’m just trying to impress my hero, Tony CJ,” Blottie said.

WR Tim Ghiorso's sweat transferred Poison Oak to opposing defenders.

The end score read 19-6 in national newspapers, but the real story was how FOSS battled through a sluggish start—against a tough opponent--for a gritty victory.

“They did not play so well, and I expect a better effort next time,” Jeff Bennett commented after the game. “My family came out to watch this (expletive)? Tyler owes me gas money.” (Tyler was last seen being pulled off the field by the ear, in apparent pain).

FOSS is 5-0 for the first time in franchise history and play against TBA next week. It has been reported by fans and friends that TBA sent scouts to FOSS’ game last Friday night to take notes and strategize. “They won’t get any cupcakes if they cheat to win,” Shawna Bennett urged.

Shoulder Shrug will attempt to go 6-0 this Friday night, which would guarantee them a number one seed and neutral field advantage throughout the playoffs. Game time is at 8.30pm at John Kemp Field in Folsom.

Shoulder Shrug Poised For Title Shot

FOSS 2012

With the exaggerated and boring NFL season finally over, fans now can turn their attention to the Folsom Flag Football League, located in Folsom. There will be many new faces but one team remains unchanged-Fair Oaks Shoulder Shrug (FOSS).

Shoulder Shrug returns to the league this season as favorites to take the league title after finishing in 2^nd place in fall of 2011. Amazingly, they will return all 10 starters from last season, as many players turned down lucrative unpaid contracts from teams in nearby cities to remain with Shrug.

This group of league veterans is led by QB Kyle Woods (pictured left). Last year, he turned a slumping Shrug team into a 5-3 contender in just his first season as a starter. His energetic style came up short however as FOSS fell in the title game by 12 points to a team that no one cares about.

 “It was a difficult defeat, but we are already practicing plays and scheming our offense and defense. We will be prepared to win games and go for a title.”

Coach Nathan Ghiorso once again flew his team out to Mississippi in the offseason. Miraculously, FOSS left the southern state with all ten players still alive, even with the coach-enforced ‘Whipping Boy’ punishment.

“These players have been tested and tried. They can play the Shoulder Shrug way.”

Shrug began voluntary minicamps this week to regain conditioning and develop team chemistry. Only 2/5ths of the team showed up for the official team picture.

FOSS will open their season on Friday, March 23^rd.