Shoulder Shrug Grades (Wks 1-3)--Guest Writer Tim Ghiorso

The first three weeks are in the books for the 2011 Flag Football season. Shrug, after a disappointing season last year (2-6), are making noise.

Shrug came out blazing the first week as if they had been counting down the days since the final game last spring.  The offense was clicking early and Shrug scored on their very first possession. The story of the game however was the improved Shrug Defense. They shut out their first opponent 25-0, forcing 4 interceptions (two of which were returned for touchdowns). In week two Shrugs offense continued to shine. Two time-consuming drives led by Kyle Woods kept FOSS in control. The defense shut down the “Ludacris” offense by forcing 3 more turnovers and only allowing 6 points on a fluke hail mary touchdown. Shrug were clicking on all cylinders, but ran into a wall against “Miner Details” in their third contest. Shrug left out some “minor details” in their game plan which included playing against a 6’5 massive white dude. He may have looked old, but he was tall, strong, and quite fast as he burned Shrugs defense twice with long bombs and was unguardable in the red zone. Shrugs Defense was in disarray the whole game as the QB from the other team worked out every “minor detail” of Shrugs Defense. Shrug kept switching back and forth between man and zone and by the time they figured it out, it was too late. Shrug had a chance to come back, but the D failed to make a 4^th quarter stop to continue the game.  Although Shrugs D suffered a setback, the bright spot was the Offense. Except for a late interception the offense did extremely well. Scoring on 3 touchdown drives and even making a comeback late in the game. Shoulder Shrug is still one of the top teams in the league and they will get a chance to practice and work out some “Miner Details” for next game.

So after 3 weeks of action here are the grades for Shoulder Shrug:

Offense: A-    Shrugs Offense led by QB Kyle Woods has been efficient all season long. Shrug has youth and speed and has an array of offense playmakers.

Defense:  B+   I would have rated Shrugs defense an A if it wasn’t for their last game allowing 28 points and forcing no turnovers. However they have a lot of talent on defense and just need more time to mesh. They are also very good at forcing interceptions (7 over first 2 games)

Special teams:   F   Shrug has only had to punt once this season. Taylor Gordon botched it.

INJURY REPORT

Kyle Woods: Probable sore throwing shoulder

Nate Ghiorso: Probable Knee

Ian Dyrness: Questionable Ankle

Stat Leaders:

Interceptions: 3 Tim Ghiorso, Taylor Gordon

Receiving Touchdowns: 4 Nate Ghiorso

Receptions: Taylor Gordon

Throwing Touchdowns: Kyle woods

Key Additions

            The front office of Shoulder Shrug was very disappointed after last seasons record (2-6) and did something about it. Shrug upgraded both their offense and defense with a few key free agent additions this offseason.

Taylor Gordon, a former Rugby player out of Sierra College, signed with the team and has been a huge addition. He leads the team in receptions and is tied for lead in interceptions. He plays center for shrug and is considered Kyle Woods’ safety valve. However he doesn’t just play it safe. On Shrugs first drive in the first game Kyle called for Taylor to do a seam route. Taylor said later that, “as soon as he called the play for me I got butterflies and I knew I was going to get a touchdown”. And he did just that catching a 50-yard touchdown pass from Kyle. However, there is concern from the front office for next year that Taylor might hold out to restructure his contract because he actually had to pay to even get on the team in the 1^st place.

Another edition was Eric Ramazzini or “carne asada,” a very speedy and athletic player. Eric contributes to both the offense and defense. He hasn’t shown up in the stat book defensively yet, but the stats don’t tell the whole story. Eric came up big in coverage and had key pass deflections on defense. The next game he caught a touchdown on offense.

Also, Shrug added Kyle’s Cousin, Jordan.

Lastly, FOSS decided a QB change was also necessary for Shrugs growth. Last year’s starter, Tyler Bennett, has been replaced by new GM and QB Kyle Woods. Kyle is having a comeback year after struggling as Tyler’s backup in the spring. Now, Kyle doesn’t have to worry about losing his job back to Tyler and can sling it without worry. It has worked with Kyle only throwing 2 INT in 3 games and throwing 9 touchdowns. With these new additions and a capable starting QB, Shrug is confident and their ceiling grows even higher. 

Week 3 Highlights:

 Week 3 Highlights Video

After Shaky First Season, FOSS Ready To Compete For Title (Guest Writer Cameron Vault)

The FOSS debut season started full of great hopes and expectations. Fresh from an intense training camp in which new techniques were utilized, including the "hotbox," they were ready to win. They came out with a ton of energy and looked good. Unfortunately a few close losses but a damper on their spirits.

Finally, in their fourth matchup, they were able to finish the game and get the victory. Many hopeful fans thought this would be the turning point in the season, but they were sadly mistaken. But this did not stop the die hard FOSS fans from returning again and again to see the dazzling play of their star players, including the player/ head coach Nathan Ghiorso (who may resemble Hitler (refer to press conference video).

The highlight of the season was that FOSS developed a devoted fan base who came to cheer on the team in rain or shine. In the second half of the season the team was a contender in every  game they played. The problem was interceptions. Interceptions were the Achilles Heel of the FOSS. This will be taken care of in the off season with an even hotter 'hot box'. There were missed opportunities, yes, but Shoulder Shrug competed.

In fact in their second to last game, their opponents were so scared of them that one of the team members asked a girl he didn't even like to marry him just so the rest of the team could go to Las Vegas for a bachelor party to escape the ferocity of the Shoulder Shrug.

The team ended their season in an electrifying, down to the wire finish. After a first half in the finale FOSS really brought it in the second. With one play to tie the game, the refs called the QB time limit a bit early (we think rivals paid them off). Even though they didn't come out with a win they showed real promise for next season.

So a message for the fans: Get ready for the Fair Oaks Shoulder Shrug to bring it in the next season.

-Written by Guest Writer/Avid FOSS Fan/Ref Heckler/Sideline Drinker/Motivational Cheerer/President of the Shrug Society: Cameron Vault

“The Doctor” Accused of Malpractice

The inaugural season of the Fair Oaks Shoulder Shrug has become a cycle of disappointment, mainly due to the antics of Coach Nathan Ghiorso. From the mishap in Mississippi in which he inadvertently pushed players past their limits and to their dehydrated deaths, to his temper, which has been a constant problem (see the press conference and week 3 blowup in the video section above), Coach Ghiorso has been anything but a coach.

This week, however, he set standards for a coach lower than fans and players thought possible. Instead of showing up for the week 5 match up against the Shoulder Shrug’s undefeated rivals (Polk High), Ghiorso decided to satisfy his need for the spotlight by performing in a local play. Without someone to guide the team, Shoulder Shrug seemed unorganized and unsure in their ability to play. It is unclear whether Shoulder Shrug will be looking for a new head coach, but General Manager Tyler Bennett made the team’s attitude toward Ghiorso clear in a press conference after the game: “We are all upset with Nathan and his lack of commitment to the team. We will consider our options and whether we will let him keep his job, but one thing is for sure: We are retroactively suspending Coach Ghiorso for weeks one through five of the season.”

Nathan’s lack of attendance seemed to be a bigger headline than Polk High keeping their record untarnished. While Polk High players looked on confused, reporters flocked to the Shoulder Shrug sidelines in droves. “As a new addition to the team, I never really felt welcome,” admitted WR Allen Zsoldos, who the Shoulder Shrug added to their roster in week 4 (after Ben Lehmann was moved to the injured reserve). “Now that I had the chance to just play with my teammates, I know that it was just Coach Ghiorso’s racism that was holding me back.” Even those closest to Coach Ghiorso have turned their backs on him. “They say blood is thicker than water,” Coach’s brother and WR Tim Ghiorso said, “but ditching his team for the theatre? I just don’t know, man.”

Hopefully, Coach Ghiorso can get his mind focused on the team for week six. FOSS will have their hands full late at night with the aptly named Late Show, one of the strongest teams in the league. It seems clear that if Ghiorso cannot perform up to the standards of his team, not only will he be out of a job for the summer league, but he will also lose a brother and be forcibly removed from the country and sent to Canada.

-Drew Blottie and Tyler Bennett
(To Contact Drew or Tyler with questions or complaints about Coach Ghiorso, Please email
CoachGhiorsoHateClub@CoachGhiorsoStinks.com)

FOSS Gets The 'W', Gives Little Child The 'L'

Shoulder Shrug broke through Friday night for their first win of the season. It came at a much needed time. On the brink of starting 0-4 for the first time in team history, Shrug players rallied for a contested 13-12 victory over 'Paging Dr Loggins'. Precision passing and smothering defense enabled FOSS to successfully control the clock and a final 50-yardline stand secured victory.

After a stalled first drive and a touchdown surrendered, FOSS was down 6-0 in the first half. With momentum against them, WR Nathan Ghiorso caught a pass on a crossing route and turned a 5-yard gain into a 55-yard touchdown to even the score with PDL at 6-6. After a defensive stand led by newly acquired safety Alan (Ben's replacement), WR Drew Blottie scored on a skillful tip-toe catch in the corner of the endzone. Capping off the conversion was a diving catch by WR Tyler Bennett. PDL scored in the middle of the second half to bring the game to a 13-12 score and the ensuing offensive drive by Shoulder Shrug ate up almost 10 minutes of clock. "It was exactly what we needed at that time...to eat up clock and put PDL against a wall," WR Tim Ghiorso said. The strategy proved effective. PDL was left with four plays to gain 80 yards and in the end it was too much.

The biggest decision of the game came at quarterback. Tyler Bennett was replaced after three starts by reserve Kyle Woods. "Yes, it was my decision to change QB's, but only cause Tyler begged me to," Coach Ghiorso said after the game. "The idea actually came from our avid fan/groupie Ian Camp, who suggested to me via text that we should change the starting quarterback. Ian and Tyler must be on the same cycles or something, cause they were thinking exactly alike."

Coincidences aside, it was the right move. Kyle showed accuracy (no INT) and poise (10-minute drive to effectively end the game) during his two touchdown performance. He converted two critical fourth downs in the 2nd half and his ability to 'jump pass' is something intangible he brings to the QB position.

But while FOSS celebrates a breakthrough, a little boy must now face a childhood of uncertainty. In the 2nd half, a receiver from PDL was ran out of bounds after a short gain. Chaos ensued as a little boy got too close to the field, and was literally run over by ham-handed Tyler Bennett (pictured right). "That kind of momentum isn't stopped easily," WR Drew Blottie said. Tyler did manage to brace the little boy upon impact, but it proved to be traumatic nonetheless. When reporters interviewed the boy's mother after the game, she responded: "It's kind of ironic actually. In his misguided attempt to save my boy's life he actually killed part of his soul. All my child's innocence was stripped away the minute he cupped my boys precious face into his sweaty crotch." No legal charges have been filed, yet.

It was a glorious night for most, and FOSS relished in a deserved victory. Next week FOSS plays against 'Polk High,' a top tier team in this league. A later start time this week will hopefully deter any children from attending the game.

Team Notes: WR and Coach Nathan Ghiorso has been suspended for this week's game against Polk High by GM Tyler Bennett. Nathan will be dazzling his audience on a different sort of stage Friday night at the Integral Community Theater. Tyler was appalled when he learned this and suspended Nathan for conduct 'detrimental to himself'.

-Nathan Ghiorso
(To contact Nathan with questions or complaints, please email ThisBetterNotBeHateMailOrIWillKillYou@yahoo.com)

Growing Pains

It was a mere month ago that Shoulder Shrug arrived on the scene in grand style. Now, four weeks later, they seem to be hiding quietly behind the set.

An 0-3 start in the Folsom Flag Football League has derailed the hype surrounding Fair Oaks Shoulder Shrug. With only one close loss to cling onto, FOSS has taken a pounding in the other two contests. Their most recent defeat was to deep throwing and stiff defending 'O.D.T.', who walloped FOSS 32-6. While FOSS did put together three drives of 75 yard or more, only one resulted in a touchdown. ODT's quick safeties prevented 4th down scores on the two others.

The bright moments FOSS produces seem to be hidden behind the glaring '0' in the win column. "I'll admit I might have got carried away...ya know the media, the money, the parties, the screaming fans at our games, the persistent women..." WR Bryan Sapp acknowledged. "Especially the women," added WR Drew Blottie. Not only have the compiling losses taken a toll on the players and coaches (see Coach Ghiorso Meltdown video), it has also taken its toll on the 'FOSS Faithful' fan base. What were once cheers are now jeers from non-athletic slobs like Ian Camp. Chants of a "No-Win Season! (clap, clap, clap, clap, clap)" are echoed from Tyler Brandt's fugly mouth. "You know it hurts when friends abandon you that fast," QB Tyler Bennett mentioned. "If Ian and I ever met in a dark alley I would probably fight him myself instead of having Claire fight for me."

With FOSS's hopes of winning the league title now all but gone, (and let's face it, they're gone), they will be playing each week with the sole purpose of getting better, becoming consistent, and putting the 'fun' back into game. Look for Shoulder Shrug to come out with a more relaxed attitude this Friday night at 7:30pm at John Kemp Field.

Team Notes: Ben Lehmann broke his finger in his first and only game of Shoulder Shrug's season. While attempting to grab a flag, his finger was caught in the belt of the opposing QB. See the injury below:

Coach Ghiorso also had a media meltdown following the lost to the W.A. Fajitas a little over a week ago. See that video here:

Also, here are a few team pictures!! Thanks to Drew's Daddy-O!

Shoulder Shrug Batted Down in Final Seconds

It came down to one play. Driving downfield during extra time, everything hinged on a last 4th down attempt by Shoulder Shrug. WR Nate Ghiorso broke free on a seam up the middle and Tyler lobbed it deep.

As the ball whistled through the cool night, time itself stood still. “I saw the pass and I immediately thought I had the touchdown and that we had the game,” WR Ghiorso said. The crowd fell silent as Tyler’s ball floated towards the receiver and a victory. “From my angle it looked like FOSS was going to score,” avid fan David Ghiorso commented.

But in one instant everything changed. Out of nowhere, literally, the safety of the W.A. Fajitas cut in front of the pass destined for glory and knocked it to the turf emphatically, sinking FOSS to a 0-2 record.

As the Fajitas celebrated in World Series fashion, Shoulder Shrug walked off the field lamenting about the game that slipped away.

Leading 14-0 in the first half, a series of errors unraveled FOSS like it did the week before. Three interceptions inside their own territory (including two that were returned for touchdowns) negated a strong start by the FOSS offense. Shoulder Shrug fell behind 26-14, but showed resilience in their comeback that fell just short.

“You can put this one on me,” QB Tyler Bennett said after the game via cellphone to reporters. “I will hit the practice field again this week and I’ll be ready to play next Friday.”

Coach Ghiorso had choice words after the game as well. “ The W.A. Fajitas were what we thought they were…everyone played both halves…the Fajitas were who we thought they were. That’s why we took the damn field. If you want to crown ‘em, then crown their asses. But they are who we thought they were. And we let ‘em off the hook.”

Even with the defeat, FOSS has a foundation on which to build. With 21 points scored compared to 6 the week before, FOSS proved their new offensive scheme will produce points.

Look for FOSS to come out next week even stronger. 9:30pm start time at John Kemp Field.

Team Notes: Ben Lehmann will join the team this week after returning from his Mojave Desert field trip and his team ordered suspension. He will get familiar with the playbook and will see reps as rusher and slot receiver this Friday night.

-Nathan Ghiorso
(To contact Nathan with questions, comments, please email Nathan at ThisBetterNotBeHateMailOrIWillKillYou@yahoo.com)

League Veterans Show No Mercy on Shoulder Shrug

In a game of youth vs. age, and inexperience vs. wisdom, Shoulder Shrug came out on the losing end.

In a 21-6 defeat, Shoulder Shrug showed quick flashes of brilliance and athleticism but were quickly over-matched and overrun by a nine-year veteran squad. “Our inexperience on the field translated into costly drops and needless penalties,” GM Tyler Bennett said after the game.

Trailing 7-0 near the end of the first half, Kyle Woods threw a 50-yard touchdown strike to Nathan Ghiorso, which brought FOSS into halftime trailing 7-6 (the conversion was unsuccessful). FOSS started the 2nd half with the ball and the momentum, but inexperience led to two interceptions on their first two drives.

Down 14-6 with time dwindling, drops and penalties seemed to unravel the young squad. Tim Ghiorso had a would be 75 yard catch and run touchdown, only to be called back by a tick tack “flag guarding” penalty. The call was questionable but was enough to distract FOSS and they quickly turned the ball over on downs, which led to a garbage time TD by the veteran team.

The youth of the team was showcased in an on field interview with WR Drew Blottie, following the end of the game. When asked how FOSS would avenge the loss, Blottie commented, “This game’s not over yet. Were going to come out strong in the 3rd and 4th halves tonight and really turn this around.” Blottie, unaware that the game was actually over, retracted his statement via Twitter later that evening.

Bennett was furious after the game.

“Coach Ghiorso definitely needs to spend more time practicing defense or we might be shopping around for a new head coach.”

GM Bennett’s lack of patience may stem from the financial strain on the team. Currently, Shoulder Shrug is in a legal battle with 10 families of the dead player victims who were worked to death during training camp, literally. Along with this issue, Bennett believes too much money was spent on team uniforms and not enough in the recruitment for a stronger defensive coordinator. “We do look sexy, but we look less sexy when we lose.” Bennett said.

All this aside, FOSS begins the season with a deflating loss. They will look to rebound next week and return to .500 against the W.A. Fajitas. We know one thing, FOSS will look good losing, but they will look even better if they win.

Team Notes: Bryan Sapp and Ben Lehmann were suspended by Coach Ghiorso for the first game. Bryan was giving a sermon and Ben was on a Geology Field Trip in the Mojave Desert. When the coach learned they would be absent, he quickly suspended them instead. “Yes, they will be fined.” Ghiorso says. “Bryan owes me Starbucks and Ben better bring me some sweet looking rocks from the desert.”

-Nathan Ghiorso
(For questions or comments, please email Nathan at ThisBetterNotBeHateMailOrIWillKillYou@yahoo.com)

Fans Turn to Local Sports as NFL Lockout Looms

Fair Oaks Shoulder Shrug, pictured on the right, is set to begin their inaugural season as a flag football team in the Folsom Community Recreation League. With home games being played at John Kemp Field and away games also being played at John Kemp field, fans now have something to be excited about again. Folsom is predicting record numbers for fan attendance this season due to the NFL lockout which has left many fans feeling hopeless with nothing to do. With the Kings set to leave Sacramento also, this Rec league is sure to see fans in the thousands flock to JK Field to watch the Shoulder Shrugs play underneath the “Friday Night Lights.”

GM Tyler Bennett, alongside Player Coach Nathan Ghiorso have prepared intensively for the past two weeks.

“We flew our team to Mississippi this offseason to practice in the swamp…we tested the true mettle of our players there,” Ghiorso said. Upon return from offseason activities, all players died of exhaustion and dehydration and were immediately replaced with scab athletes. “My condolences go out to the dead players and their families, but now I have my opportunity to represent the school of hard knocks in this league,” WR Drew Blottie comments.

The current roster includes 2 quarterbacks, 7 receivers, and one center. Seriously, it does. Coach Ghiorso and GM Bennett have strategically selected players to fit Folsom’s “pass happy” league. “I’m going deep every play,” WR Tim Ghiorso exclaimed. “I’m throwing deep every play,” GM/QB/Center/Uniform Designer Tyler Bennett also said.

Coach Ghiorso disagrees. “If Tyler thinks he’s just going to throw it deep every play then he’ll be cut from the team before halftime. We will have Tim run deep every time, however, because he really needs the exercise.”

The main problem facing Fair Oaks Shoulder Shrug (FOSS) is their popularity. They are first timers in an unforgiving league and will be looking to put themselves on the social map. Currently the FOSS team page on Facebook only has 30 fans. Publicist Megan Little projects that 30 fans will soon become 30,000 fans if FOSS can reel off wins early. The team is helping achieve this goal by posting videos in every major media outlet known to man. Their latest post: a controversial press conference that got ugly (link in top right corner). What’s next? Possibly a sponsored Gatorade commercial and even a music video, titled “It’s A Shrug Life.” Be on the lookout.

The season kicks off this Friday, March 18th. Come to JK Field wearing neon green or black. Be there or be dead.

-Nathan Ghiorso
(To contact Nathan Ghiorso with comments, questions, email ThisBetterNotBeHateMailOrIWillKillYou@yahoo.com)

Fair Oaks Football!!

Our season begins in one week! Get yo popcorn ready!