FOSS Gets The 'W', Gives Little Child The 'L'

Shoulder Shrug broke through Friday night for their first win of the season. It came at a much needed time. On the brink of starting 0-4 for the first time in team history, Shrug players rallied for a contested 13-12 victory over 'Paging Dr Loggins'. Precision passing and smothering defense enabled FOSS to successfully control the clock and a final 50-yardline stand secured victory.

After a stalled first drive and a touchdown surrendered, FOSS was down 6-0 in the first half. With momentum against them, WR Nathan Ghiorso caught a pass on a crossing route and turned a 5-yard gain into a 55-yard touchdown to even the score with PDL at 6-6. After a defensive stand led by newly acquired safety Alan (Ben's replacement), WR Drew Blottie scored on a skillful tip-toe catch in the corner of the endzone. Capping off the conversion was a diving catch by WR Tyler Bennett. PDL scored in the middle of the second half to bring the game to a 13-12 score and the ensuing offensive drive by Shoulder Shrug ate up almost 10 minutes of clock. "It was exactly what we needed at that time...to eat up clock and put PDL against a wall," WR Tim Ghiorso said. The strategy proved effective. PDL was left with four plays to gain 80 yards and in the end it was too much.

The biggest decision of the game came at quarterback. Tyler Bennett was replaced after three starts by reserve Kyle Woods. "Yes, it was my decision to change QB's, but only cause Tyler begged me to," Coach Ghiorso said after the game. "The idea actually came from our avid fan/groupie Ian Camp, who suggested to me via text that we should change the starting quarterback. Ian and Tyler must be on the same cycles or something, cause they were thinking exactly alike."

Coincidences aside, it was the right move. Kyle showed accuracy (no INT) and poise (10-minute drive to effectively end the game) during his two touchdown performance. He converted two critical fourth downs in the 2nd half and his ability to 'jump pass' is something intangible he brings to the QB position.

But while FOSS celebrates a breakthrough, a little boy must now face a childhood of uncertainty. In the 2nd half, a receiver from PDL was ran out of bounds after a short gain. Chaos ensued as a little boy got too close to the field, and was literally run over by ham-handed Tyler Bennett (pictured right). "That kind of momentum isn't stopped easily," WR Drew Blottie said. Tyler did manage to brace the little boy upon impact, but it proved to be traumatic nonetheless. When reporters interviewed the boy's mother after the game, she responded: "It's kind of ironic actually. In his misguided attempt to save my boy's life he actually killed part of his soul. All my child's innocence was stripped away the minute he cupped my boys precious face into his sweaty crotch." No legal charges have been filed, yet.

It was a glorious night for most, and FOSS relished in a deserved victory. Next week FOSS plays against 'Polk High,' a top tier team in this league. A later start time this week will hopefully deter any children from attending the game.

Team Notes: WR and Coach Nathan Ghiorso has been suspended for this week's game against Polk High by GM Tyler Bennett. Nathan will be dazzling his audience on a different sort of stage Friday night at the Integral Community Theater. Tyler was appalled when he learned this and suspended Nathan for conduct 'detrimental to himself'.

-Nathan Ghiorso
(To contact Nathan with questions or complaints, please email ThisBetterNotBeHateMailOrIWillKillYou@yahoo.com)