League Veterans Show No Mercy on Shoulder Shrug

In a game of youth vs. age, and inexperience vs. wisdom, Shoulder Shrug came out on the losing end.

In a 21-6 defeat, Shoulder Shrug showed quick flashes of brilliance and athleticism but were quickly over-matched and overrun by a nine-year veteran squad. “Our inexperience on the field translated into costly drops and needless penalties,” GM Tyler Bennett said after the game.

Trailing 7-0 near the end of the first half, Kyle Woods threw a 50-yard touchdown strike to Nathan Ghiorso, which brought FOSS into halftime trailing 7-6 (the conversion was unsuccessful). FOSS started the 2nd half with the ball and the momentum, but inexperience led to two interceptions on their first two drives.

Down 14-6 with time dwindling, drops and penalties seemed to unravel the young squad. Tim Ghiorso had a would be 75 yard catch and run touchdown, only to be called back by a tick tack “flag guarding” penalty. The call was questionable but was enough to distract FOSS and they quickly turned the ball over on downs, which led to a garbage time TD by the veteran team.

The youth of the team was showcased in an on field interview with WR Drew Blottie, following the end of the game. When asked how FOSS would avenge the loss, Blottie commented, “This game’s not over yet. Were going to come out strong in the 3rd and 4th halves tonight and really turn this around.” Blottie, unaware that the game was actually over, retracted his statement via Twitter later that evening.

Bennett was furious after the game.

“Coach Ghiorso definitely needs to spend more time practicing defense or we might be shopping around for a new head coach.”

GM Bennett’s lack of patience may stem from the financial strain on the team. Currently, Shoulder Shrug is in a legal battle with 10 families of the dead player victims who were worked to death during training camp, literally. Along with this issue, Bennett believes too much money was spent on team uniforms and not enough in the recruitment for a stronger defensive coordinator. “We do look sexy, but we look less sexy when we lose.” Bennett said.

All this aside, FOSS begins the season with a deflating loss. They will look to rebound next week and return to .500 against the W.A. Fajitas. We know one thing, FOSS will look good losing, but they will look even better if they win.

Team Notes: Bryan Sapp and Ben Lehmann were suspended by Coach Ghiorso for the first game. Bryan was giving a sermon and Ben was on a Geology Field Trip in the Mojave Desert. When the coach learned they would be absent, he quickly suspended them instead. “Yes, they will be fined.” Ghiorso says. “Bryan owes me Starbucks and Ben better bring me some sweet looking rocks from the desert.”

-Nathan Ghiorso
(For questions or comments, please email Nathan at ThisBetterNotBeHateMailOrIWillKillYou@yahoo.com)